Where do I belong in the LGBTQ+ Community?
Happy Pride Month everyone! As exciting as it can be to proudly represent your identity in the LGBTQ+ Community, it can also bring emotions such as fear, anxiety, doubt, insecurity, loneliness, and more. For as many of those in the Community who can comfortably say, “I’m gay and I’m proud of it!”, there are just as many others in the Community who have no idea where they belong and how to identify. Let me be the first to tell you: THIS IS NORMAL AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
Years ago, in a much less progressive time in history, the main identities in the Community were summarized in the term LGBT: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender; it was not until more recent history that other identities have been identified, which is why the acronym representing the Community has expanded so greatly. I am generally fine with saying “LGBTQ+”, but others say “LGBTQIA+”, and still, there are other variations of it as well.
Although labels can help people have a better understanding of who they are and give people a way to express themselves, even if you finally find your identity within the Community, don’t feel that once you choose your identity that you are stuck with it for life. For example, there are some people who think they are gay, but later come to find that they are pansexual. The same goes for gender expression; some people may think they identify with he/him pronouns, but then later come to find that they don’t identify with the gender binary and desire to change their pronouns to they/them, and that’s okay too!
One of the most beautiful things about the LGBTQ+ Community is that there is freedom to express yourself however you seem fit, and more likely than not, no one in the Community will care or judge you if you have a change of heart. Even more, just because you choose an identity within the Community, it doesn’t mean that there is one right way to represent that identity. There are stereotypes about every label, but try to not pigeon-hole yourself into feeling that you have to act a certain way—or not act a certain way—because it doesn’t fit with what is considered “normal” for that label. If I had known this earlier in my life, I probably would not have denied being gay for as long as I did. I denied myself for many years before accepting myself and coming out—not only because I didn’t want to believe I was gay—but I also felt that I didn’t fit inside the box of what it meant to be gay, which was my logistical reasoning for trying to prove to myself that I wasn’t gay. However, the only thing that makes someone gay is that they are attracted to other men, and that’s it!
So be kind and patient to yourself as you are learning how to navigate your Coming Out Journey, because figuring it out is the most exciting part. If you aren’t sure whether you are gay or bisexual, lesbian or demisexual, a man, woman, anywhere in between or neither at all, that’s okay! This is your life and your identity, and no one else can do this journey for you. If you are struggling to find where you fit into the Community, talk to others in the Community, read blogs, watch videos, or find an LGBTQ-affirming therapist such as myself. Your options are limitless, and your journey starts now!
